May 2013
3 posts
I Like the Colors: I come here because it’s safe... →
somethinglikegrace:
I come here because it’s safe to say what I need to say.
Ray is being an absolute jerk. for serious.
I picked him up from school yesterday - he refused to talk to me and sat with his back to me the entire way to Cool Springs (30 minutes) to get Josh. It didn’t matter how I prompted him to tell…
I’m sorry. This is tough! Your child is hurting and scared and...
3 tags
it’s finished. he’s ours. as of today, his adoption was 100% finalized!
this child no longer belongs to a state.
he belongs to a family. his family. our family.
son, your ma loves you! forever and ever and ever!
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my son’s adoption will finally, FINALLY be finalized on monday. fourteen years old was not too old for a forever family. this boy lights up my life!!! so thankful for him and the love he brings, the love he teaches me every day…
March 2013
1 post
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the sound of settling
it has been a little over six months since my son has come home… and i have to say, what a difference this time has made! my son is comfortable here now. in the beginning, he was so closed, cautious, and afraid. it was like yanking teeth to get him to talk about anything real, or to get him to face problems/fears. these days? he actually responds when we ask what’s wrong. he trusts us...
February 2013
3 posts
as adoption day comes closer, my son’s fears are manifesting more loudly. he’ll ask all kinds of questions, and also has declared, twice, that he is leaving and isn’t meant to be here. he then packed and had to be “talked off the ledge.” he asked me, “why can’t i just be with the my real family? why did my life have to happen this way?” there is no...
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proving love
me: i love you son. do you believe that?
my son: no, not yet.
me: when do you think you’ll believe it?
my son: when you adopt me, i’ll believe that you love me.
me: can you tell me what the adoption will change in your mind to allow you to believe me?
my son: i’ll know you aren’t just saying you want to adopt me… i’ll know you really meant it.
me: son,...
January 2013
7 posts
3 tags
Mentor a Teen
maybe you read this blog and think to yourself “what she is doing is great but i am just not able to do that now… i’m not cut out to adopt… i am too young to adopt… i am not in a place where i could foster…” etc. well there are many more ways to put some good out into the world and positively impact child/teen’s life. one such way is to mentor.
i am...
Loved you yesterday.
Love you still.
Always have.
Always will.
i heard from our social worker, and we are getting ready to finalize the adoption in the courtroom in the next couple months. to me, i have been his mom from day 1 and even before that, but there is a finality about the court date that is so sweet and feels like such a long time coming. S has a lot of mixed feelings about adoption. he is afraid of the word “forever” and still...
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my son, super worried: “mom, is it normal that i want to hug you and dad so much?”
me, smiling because he’s so cute, sad inside because he has missed so many hugs: “yes, it is normal to want to hug the people you love.”
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how love grows
i want to be open and honest… at times before placement i wondered, “will i really love this kid? i love the idea of this child… and my heart breaks for any/all kids who don’t have a loving family… but when he’s here, will i really love him with a love a mommy feels for her dearest little one?” the answer is yes… yes… yes. i can’t even...
my son got in trouble last week for spending a huge amount of money that wasn’t his on something he wasn’t supposed to. when we figured it out and asked him about it… his first reaction wasn’t “oh crap, mom and dad are gonna kill me…” or “oh geez, this is embarrassing…” it was “oh my god… i made an unforgivable mistake and mom...
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2012… the year i became a mom to a handsome, smart, challenging, funny, stubborn, wonderful teenager.
2013… the year i continue to learn how to be a mother: love, protect, encourage and raise this young man i am blessed to call my son.
December 2012
13 posts
i just finished cleaning the bathroom… wearing my sweats, with my unwashed hair up in a messy ponytail, no makeup, feeling rough and tired… my son wanders in, opens his arms up for a hug, tells me, “you’re beautiful, mom.” i am blessed beyond compare.
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it’s christmastime!! best christmas ever… my son is here, and this is where he’ll have christmas every year to come. his older brother is staying with us this week too—K is in foster care, too, so getting the boys together for the holiday meant a lot to us and we’re glad we could make it happen. the cakes and pies are made, the stockings were opened this morning,...
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this morning was… hard. my son was triggered by something small and spiraled into a horrible place, dragging us with him. he is hurting so badly right now. this time of year is tough for children who have lost as much as he has. friends, please send positive thoughts and prayers for the three of us. some days i just need a hug and reassurance! when he gets home, i want to be over my own hurt...
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old cardigan
today i put on my cream and yellow striped cardigan. i hadn’t seen it in awhile. in fact, i realized when i pulled it out of the closet, the last time i wore it was the day i met my teenage son at the adoption party for the first time. when he got home from school, he hugged me and then looked at me thoughtfully. “you were wearing that when i met you, weren’t you?” it was...
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on a night car ride home…
him: mom, tell me a story.
me: uhh… okay… err… umm… once upon a time..? there was… a … uhh?… frog… who…
him: no, no! not a made up story. the story of how you came to love me.
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“Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where you’re headed.”
— Jodi Picoult
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“I don’t think they (people) understand how it feels not being able to say mom...”
– Former foster youth, Iowa
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“it would be nice to have another kid here with us.” - my son earlier this week. i’m glad he’s open to the idea, because i have a sneaking suspicion that it won’t be that long before our family grows again… :)
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“i’m so glad you’re my mother… you and dad have shown me things i never even knew about. i can talk to you guys about things no other adults would talk to me about.” - my son. my sweet, surprising, amazing and strong son.
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Top 10 Things Not To Say to an Adoptive Parent →
this is hilarious and insightful.
“why are boobs like pillows?”
ahh the funny and random things my teenager says… lol
November 2012
10 posts
7 tags
ranting
i want to use this blog to vent for a minute. usually i maintain a positive attitude and there is no place for complaining in my life… however, this is something that i need to talk about.
i have a lot of friends who are adoptive parents of all different kinds. some have adopted babies at birth (most of what i talk about below will not apply to domestic adoption), some have adopted...
all-good-here-deactivated201212 asked: I think you are amazing. I just read your last several posts and I can't help but wish more people were like you. Thank you... Not everyone understands, but you get it! (words aren't my thing, sorry)
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Thoughts from a former foster kid on what... →
Hello there readers… Here’s a Turkey for you…
This is still my blog and at times I miss it… I do.
A holiday is here and I have something to say,
A moment of thought before the end of the day.
.
Remember when you’re with your family and you want to complain,
There are so many children alone and in pain.
Waiting for a family who cares and will love,
It need not be perfect, it...
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my son: “i love you, mom. [pause] i love you too much. i need to cut back on it.”
welcome to the mind of a wounded child… who has learned that anyone they love and grow attached to disappears, so to protect themselves, they avoid attachment or love so that they don’t have to feel the pain all over again. i am begging anyone out there who has a heart for kids and...
1 tag
ignorance and thoughtlessness
dear random middle-aged man from church… how dare you ask me how “the boy you adopted” is doing and then ask me “so do you have children of your own?” and then you were all “oh, no of course not… i’ve never seen you or your husband with babies!” if we struggled with infertility, do you know how hurtful that would have been? i was offended...
Anonymous asked: Hi K, I'm an Artistic Director for The Possibility Project. We're a youth development org for teenagers based out of NYC. The particular program that i run is for teenagers in Foster Care. I just wanted to let you know that we find your blog inspiring. Keep em coming! BTW, are you on Twitter? We'd be happy to follow and tweet links. Best of luck.
Anonymous asked: What are some struggles you have had adopting a teen? It seems like you have a perfect family! :)
raisingxandergage asked: I get silly excited when you post, I love hearing about your journey! I am amazed by the depth of your love for 'S' and so enjoy reading when you talk about him! Hope you all are still adjusting well, and have many happy years to come! :)
my son brought me home a note after youth group last night. it said “i am thankful to have you and dad in my life. i am thankful that i finally get to have a forever family.”
little surprises like this melt my heart all over and help me through the harder days (because yes, there are plenty). i love my son. i am so glad he is beginning to realize that yes, we really do mean FOREVER!!!
October 2012
7 posts
a couple weeks ago, my son got up to go into the kitchen and said “i’ll be right black!” with a huge grin on his face. without missing a beat, i said “i’ll be white here!” now this is one in our growing collection of inside jokes… ahh, love it.
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i am learning so much about being an adoptive parent. i always suspected it would be different than raising a biological child, and it is. you don’t love your child any less, but you have to use different strategies and be open to doing things differently than “the norm.”
remember that this child in front of you belongs to his/her experience. they have another family out there...
2 tags
“i just want to hug you all day and tell you reasons why i love you.”
– my son, the boy who has my heart.
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reflections on pain and beauty
“you are the best parents i’ve had so far,” my son announced on a car ride today. even as happiness welled up, i felt the sting of sadness at knowing what he’s been through to get here. no child should be relinquished and rejected like he was. no child should sleep on a box spring for 12 years. no child should grow up not hearing “i love you” every. single....
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sometimes i’ll go and watch S’s “friday’s kid” video… where he talks about what kind of family he wants to be adopted by, etc. the video was made when he was 13. he is a little younger looking, voice a little higher and more boyish. in the video he doesn’t smile, not even once. he seems so lost and glazed over. part of it was that he was overmedicated on...
i am so encouraged that S is adjusting in his new school, making friends, and doing so well overall. yes, there have been ups and downs and hard moments. defiance, withdrawal, acting out, disrespect… but…. honestly i expected it to be worse. overall S is happy and settling in amazingly well. in fact, he has a friend over right now! they are playing video games together… yelling...
searchingforu asked: Forever is such a fleeting idea to a kid in foster care... I'm so happy you get it and understand how much reassurance your son will need.
September 2012
11 posts
have you ever had a thought that you kept going back to… turning over in your mind like a child might turn over a fascinating object in the palm of their hand? examining it over and over with wonder? my son has been doing this. he has NEVER had a dad. his biological dad died a few years after his birth, but was never around, either way. S grew up wanting one so much. and now, he has...
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our first week(ish) together has included….
- lots of appointments — MD, psychiatrist, counselor, eye checkup, dentist, school teachers… he is as tired of them as i am.
- some attitude, some backtalk, but many more hugs and “i love yous” than the negative stuff.
- food. lots of food. the kid can EAT. he likes to put ranch on everything. EVERY thing.
- awkward...
Anonymous asked: How did you find your son? We're you matched with him or did you look on Adoptuskids or something and see him?
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S is home to stay!
this afternoon after several hours of travel after the placement meeting, my son walked into his room… filled with about 150 balloons, streamers, and the welcome home sign… and after saying wow and smiling, he began to cry as he hugged us. my poor baby has missed out on so much love and attention. i hurt for him. he had a hard time today during the paperwork process at dfcs, seeing the...
7 tags
“Sons are the anchor of a mother’s life.”
– Unknown 